To Love And Lose And Love Again
by WriterFanGirl2
Summary: Castle discovers that Kate remebers. Kate discover that he knows. Two weeks later he hasn't showed up on the 12th. Skips from 47 Seconds to Always. Rating T.
1. Chapter 1

**So this was my first fic (I know that it's a little bit late, but wathever).**

**English is not my first language, so I'll thank every review and correction :)**

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**Chapter 1**

"All this time… You remembered?" Castle couldn't breathe. Kate, the woman he had loved for four years, had lied. She had lied twice. He couldn't believe it.

Silence reigned in the room. Castle turned off the speakers and watched Kate bit her lip, but not with tenderness as she always did, she did it with fear. Rick opened the door and came face to face with Detective Esposito.

"Castle, man, you okay?"

"Yes. I'm going home" he tried not to mourn, but the lump in his throat didn't allow him to talk "I'm a little dizzy."

And he gathered his things and ran to the elevator.

When Kate left the interrogation room and walked to her desk, where her lonely coffee was waiting.

"Espo" said as he walked to the desk of his companion. "Where the hell is Castle?"

"He's gone home. He said he was dizzy." Seeing the face of confusion of Kate, he added "Sister, I don't know what happened there, but he left the room very upset. It seemed as if he were about to mourn."

"He left the room..." Kate's hand began to shake. Could he have heard her confession? "He left the room number three?" Esposito nodded "I have to talk to Gates."

He went to the office of Captain and knocked the door. Gates sitting in her desk writing a report on the case of the pump. Beckett entered.

"Captain Gates, I must ask you to let me be away all day."

"Does this have anything to do with the fact that Castle ran five minutes ago towards the exit?"

"Yes, sir."

"Go. You've been working very hard these days, take a break. I want to see here tomorrow at eight."

Rick opened the door and pulled the jacket on the couch. He picked up his copy of _A Study in Scarlet _and climbed the fire escape to the roof. He entered the small shed that he had restored, cleaned and furnished, sat on the little couch and began to read. After five minutes, he was sleeping. Memories flooded the writer's dream. The day he met her, when he was enthralled watching her body as she walked to the cruiser.

"_He's like a nine-year-old on a sugar rush. Totally incapable of taking anything seriously."_

The moment at the party where he saw her with the red dress that he gave her. The case in which a murderer wanted to kill her. The explosion in his apartment when he thought she might have died.

_"Kate!"_

When Ryan and Esposito were captured, when Rick had a crazy idea. When the guard approached and they went undercover as drunk couple. When she was about to grab her gun and he stopped her, looked into her eyes and kissed her. And, although she at first didn't respond, the moan that she released when they kissed seconds after, made him believe that he would never leave her.

"_That was amazing."_

The night that the hangar when he had to take her through the back door while Montgomery was defying those who would be his murderers. The memory of covering her mouth, resisting the temptation to kiss her lips. Her tears, the sound of the shot, she running toward the body of Montgomery.

_"Shh ..."_

The funeral, while Kate was reciting her speech. When she looked at him, sharing their love in silence. The sound of the shot and her collapsing on the floor, semiconscious, with blood flowing from the bullet hole. The moment he hugged her and asked her to stay with him. The moment he said:

_"I love you. I love you, Kate. "_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Kate went down to the morgue in a pair of minutes, looking for Lanie. She sat on a chair in the lobby as tears ran down her cheeks. She heard footsteps coming from the deposit, so she looked for the person approaching. For Kate's surprise, it wasn't Lanie. It was Alexis.

"Detective Beckett. Hi" The redhead smiled at the detective, but her sweet smile faded when he saw the eyes of the brunette. "Kate, are you okay?"

"Yeah" Kate answered "I'm okay… I need to talk with Lanie. Where's she?"

"She's gone. Another corpse." The silence fell in the room for a few minutes, so Alexis took the opportunity to sit next to Kate. "You can talk to me if you like."

" No, I think I shouldn't.."

"Is it about my father?"

" Yes, but…"

"C'mon!" said Alexis. "Tell me. Please."

"Well, I... Your father..." she took a deep breath and continued "I love him."

"That's not a secret. We all know it!" Kate blushed "C'mon Kate, it's so obvious!"

"I know… But there's more. At Montgomery's funeral, after I was..."

"Shot" Alexis could understand how difficult was to Kate talk about that day, even if she didn't know half of the story.

"Yeah… Well ... your father told me that he loves me."

"W-What?" The redhead was astonished. "Oh my God Kate, that's great!" She exclaimed as he hugged the detective.

"Alexis, wait." Kate didn't want to spoil the moment, but she couldn't lie to Alexis. "When I was shot, your father tried to protect me, and when we were on the floor he said that he wanted me to stay with him, but I fainted. When he came to see me to the hospital, he asked if I remembered something, and I said-"

"You said no." The eyes that reflected joy before were pure hate now. "How... How could you do that?" Kate tried to speak, but no sound came out of her mouth. "For four years he's been following you, he puts his life in danger, comes home tired, has nightmares at night... And all for you!"

"What? He has nightmares?"

"He thinks that we don't know, but sometimes grandma and I hear him talking in his dreams..." Alexis began to gasp. "He remembers the day when you got shot, that he couldn't save you, that the bullet reached you, he believed that you were going to die because of his fault. That's going to kill him."

Kate gave her a kiss on the forehead, stood up and headed for the stairs. She called Castle, but there was no answer. She tried again, but the writer hung up before the second ring. She got into the car and called the writer for the third time, but Rick had turned off the phone.

Kate remembered Rick's face when he entered into the hospital room and saw her talking with Josh, and all the emotions she felt before fainting. She rested her head on the steering wheel and felt her tears falling again. She had lied to the man she loved. Twice. And he was saving her life, making her work funnier, hoping she was ready. Waiting for her.

The images of them embraced in the freezer of that warehouse shocked her. When the cold penetrated in her skin and she could not finish what she was telling him.

_"I just want you to know how much I..."_

And everything went black. Not only she had lost consciousness. She had lost her chance.

"… _love you."_

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Two weeks later, Rick was sleeping in the shed, as he accustomed to do. He awoke suddenly. What had once been beautiful dreams about Kate were nightmares now. He looked at his watch and realized that it was time for dinner, so went down the cold, old stairs and entered his apartment through the kitchen's window. He approached the sink and noticed a note that was hanging on the fridge.

_"I'M GOING TO HAVE DINNER WITH SOME FRIENDS. DON'T WAIT FOR ME. ALEXIS IS GOING TO SLEEP AT A FRIEND'S HOME, SHE CALLED YOU TO ASK PERMISSION BUT YOU DIDN'T ANSWER. SEE YOU TOMORROW, MARTHA. "_

He opened the fridge and pulled out a little bit of food. He turned on the TV and changed the channel to find a contest that looked interesting, but his mind didn't think that the answer to the question "To what book belongs the Kansas teenager named Dorothy?" was _The Wonderful Wizard of Oz._ He was thinking of Kate. For two weeks he hadn't appeared on the 12th, he'd spent his evenings reading classic literature or writing some chapters that he just discarded. He missed Kate, his beloved Kate. There weren't enough blonde girls in the world that could make him forget her. Her smile, beaming the day Rick and Royal, the mascot of the victim, entered her apartment. His gaze, seconds before kissing her. Her body, as she was leaving that pool.

The sound of a thunder made him go back. The dish was lying on the table, the contestant had won a thousand dollars and Rick kept thinking about her. _God, I miss her. _And the doorbell rang. Rick opened the door and found Kate looking into his eyes.

Kate looked at those blue eyes as if she never went to see them again. Rick seemed confused and angry. Her green eyes had turned black as black amber, two tiny black pearls surrounded by emeralds.

"Beckett, what do you want?"

"You"

She approached him, her hands desperately needing to touch his face, her lips touching his. Her tongue waiting for an entry in the mouth of the writer, her hair soaking in his hands. He kissed her with anger.

"Kate..." said Rick, needing oxygen. "You're soaked, you should take a shower." He kissed her lips again. "Then we'll talk… or, whatever."

"Castle... What if I told you... that I want to continue?"

"Then, your clothes wouldn't last even five minutes, Detective."

She brought her lips to the ear of the writer and whispered "Oh my God..." Hearing Castle's ragged breathing, she said "I. Want. To. Continue. Now "She said with a soft and sensual voice. Rick closed the door and cornered Kate, kissing her as he struggled to get rid of the jacket of the detective. Her hands sought the buttons on the shirt of the writer, eager to feel the skin of the man she loved. The clothes kept falling until the two were skin to skin, her legs around his waist while they made love against the door.

And for the first time was with the man of her dreams. She had loved, lost and loved again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Here we have the last chapter of the story! Enjoy it ;)**

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**Chapter 3**

"Dad?"

Kate woke up hugging Rick, one of his arms around her as if to escape, while the other was interlaced to hers. Her face was on his neck, and she could smell his scent. Rick woke up when he heard her daughter. Alexis was coming home after a sleepover party organized because of graduation. They heard the door close and Kate went quickly to the bathroom, where her underwear, wet after the _storm_, was drying.

"Dad?" Alexis went to her father's bedroom. Rick put on his boxers and the shirt he used to sleep. Alexis came just as Rick had finished dressing. "Dad, did I wake you?"

"No, I was..." Richard realized that Kate's bra was hanging in the back of the door. _How the hell did that get here?_ "I was about… to make breakfast"

"I'll do it!" She closed the door and went to the kitchen. When she had gone, Rick left the room and went to the bathroom. He knocked twice and whispered the name of the detective. The door opened and a pair of hands dragged him into the bath.

"Well, writer boy... Your daughter is here, she doesn't know that I'm here and I have my clothes all over your floor..."

Both looked each other with a horrified gaze.

"Castle, my clothes!"

"Kate, your clothes!"

Rick left the room and ran to the kitchen. He discovered Alexis serving juice in one of three glasses on the table. _Wait... Three glasses?_ He looked around him. _And, and... THE CLOTHES?_

"Dad, tell Kate that I picked up her clothes and placed them in the washing machine." Rick couldn't say anything. _How does she know Kate is here?_ "There's a shirt and pants that you can lend her. Ah! Tell her that her watch is in your office. I'm surprised that hasn't left her necklace next to the clock... Hey! Are you gonna give her the clothes or not?"

Rick's face was a mixture of confusion, wonder and happiness. He went to the bathroom and opened the door with a thud, threw the clothes on the floor and hugged Kate, who had been waiting for him.

"Rick, what is it?" She looked into his eyes and she saw a tear fell down his cheek "Rick ... What happens?"

"She knows, Kate. And she agrees. And she's happy. And... Oh Kate, and I am so happy to be with you... I love you. I love you" he said kissing her "I love you."

"I love you too." She kissed his tears and went down to his lips "What if I get dressed and go out there?" Rick nodded and waited for Kate to get dressed. "Let's go"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." She took his hand and got out of the bathroom. Alexis was sitting on the sofa with Kate's watch in her hand. _How are gonna be our lifes now? Kate's not my mother. But I admire her, and dad is happy with her, so… _ She felt the couple standing behind her and showed her sweet smile to them.

A few moments later, the door opened and Martha came up with the phone in hand. On seeing Kate, she said to the phone.

"She stayed. You owe me fifty dollars."

"What's all this about fifty dollars, mother?" Rick said as the woman took off her coat and hung it in the closet.

"Come on Richard, yesterday while we were waiting for some friends in Gordon's car, Laura and I saw Kate crossing the street into the storm and entering into the building. Laura and Gordon said that she would only shelter from the rain. I said that she was going to our apartment, but they didn't believe me, so we made a bet.

"I hope that gambling addiction is not hereditary" Alexis said.

"The fact, mother is that she… we…"

"We're together"

Martha hugged her and said "Welcome to the family, Kate." they sat at the table and ate breakfast while talking about Alexis graduation.

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**Thanks for following this story, there will be more soon :)**


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